"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." - Psalm 139:13-16

Monday, April 14, 2008

"Living Like You were Dying"

I don't know where this blog is going to go but I just wanted to vent, encourage, throw up some words, etc. At church we have started a series called, "Living Like You were Dying." It is inspired by the Tim McGraw song, "Live Like You Were Dying." If you haven't heard it, Click Here and you can read the lyrics. Yesterday in the sermon I couldn't help but continue to think about Abigail and all of her Cleft buddies that we have met through these blogs. Today I have also been thinking about them all day. As I sat here and read some of the blogs it seems as though there have been a lot of struggles lately, us included. As the time gets closer to Abigail joining us on the outside of Heather's beautifully made pregnant body, we continue to get more anxious. I couple of weeks ago we went to see a child dentist to discuss what Abigail "could" go through, and what procedures, retainers, nam's, Abby "could" have. I came out of that more worried than I have ever been during this entire process. Even though I didn't have time to think about it because my sisiter-in-law was going to the hospital to have her baby, it sat in the back of my mind and simmered.
5 month's with a nam? How are we going to afford this? Are we going to have to sell our house? One of our cars? My quad? What is going to happen? What are we going to do?
All of these questions screamed through my head. Heather and I talked about the different possibilities, and then we talked about, "Why are we worrying about this?" We don't know exactly what is going on. We don't know anything. This goes right along with Matthew 6:25-34:

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Again I want to repeat verse 27: "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
This really makes worrying seem so worthless when Jesus calls us out like that, but again we are humans and we do worry about each other. And back to living like I was dying; would I want my last words to be something of worry? If I were really going to die tomorrow, would I be able to die happy? This question frequently runs through my head and reminds me to be thankful for what I have and reminds me to tell my family how much I love them and how proud I am of them. This is a little glummy becasuse I am talking about dying, but I am just being honest. It's not that I am planning on dying tomorrow, but who of us know when God is going to call us Home?

Verse 34 says, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." We don't know what is going to happen tomorrow, so why are we worried about it? Let's deal with today and when tomorrow comes, we will deal with it then. Third Day has a song on their Come Together album called "It's Alright." In this song it talks about "It" being alright; not worrying about tomorrow. Click Here to read the lyrics.

Thanks for listening to this ramble and hopefully it can encourage others. I know everyone is going to worry about one thing or another, but try and remember this question when you find yourself dwelling over it:

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?


Fowler family said...

This was so touching. I love that scripture and have reflected on it too when we feel like our worries have almost consumed us.

We know so well that anxious worry that you guys are experiencing. We also wondered that same question, "how will we pay for this all?", and I can tell you one year now since Johnny's birth (and 3 since Jimmy's) things have figured themselves out, and they will for you too. Many doors will be opened for you.

We found that there are many organizations that help with surgery expenses and travel and such. Also, there are a number of organizations that help pick up what insurance doesn't. Email me if you want more info. Our email address is: fowlerfam@gmail.com

We love peeking in at your blog. Your family is so beautiful. Abby will definitely add to that beauty. She is so lucky to come to such strong parents like you two. God bless you guys.

Darcy said...

Beautiful, beautiful post. It's so true, worrying really doesn't do any good.

Like the comment from Fowler Family, there is help out there. And once Abby is born, the craniofacial team coordinator will be able to direct you to those organizations, or you could contact that coordinator now and start researching.

"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus".

Phillippians 4:19

When is Abby's due date??? I keep checking in, hoping there is news of her arrival, and there isn't. Are we close?!?!? :)

Jeanne said...

The NAM device should actually be considered a medical expense. My insurance wanted to charge me as out of network. When I wrote them a letter explaining that there was no other dentist in the area that performed this procedure and that it actually saves them money as it results in fewer surgeries, they paid 100%. I can e-mail you the letter I sent. But, also -- don't let yourself think "20 weeks" or "5 months." You can only take one day at a time.

Anne said...

God Bless you and your family! You are growing and I love watching it...inspiring! I love you!!!

The Ski's said...

I completely know what you are feeling. When Reid was born, I was so overwhlemed by this little miracle, but so blown away at what the future would hold for us. What was I going to have to watch my innocent child endure? I will tell you this. YOU CAN DO THIS. With your faith, your family, your friends, and your devotion to Abigail, you CAN do this. I thought the NAM device was going to be horrible for us. Now, I will say, honestly, yes....there have been cruddy days and wonderful days...but we would have those regardless of Reid wearing a NAM or not. All babies have cruddy days and wonderful days. We are less than 6 weeks away from surgery...and getting rid of the NAM. I never thought that we would see the growth that we have seen from Reid's NAM. It has made awesome progress in Reid...and I always tell myself, that Reid knows no different. He will have no recollection of this time in his life. I think that is why the blog is so important to me. To journal our experiences through writing and pictures is going to be a gift to him someday. I can't wait to show him how strong of a little guy he was....and you will be able to do the same with Abigail.

Our insurance has been fabulous with us, and as others have said...there is additional help that you will be bombarded with after Abigail is born to look through and sign up for. I would just encourage you to sign up for all you can...and see what you are eligible for. You will be amazed at the help that is available. You are not alone....and we will keep you close in prayer as you have these worries on your heart. Blessings to you all....

Mary said...

As many others have posted, it can be difficult to think of everything your family will have to go through will Abby. And as I have been told many times before, God has entrusted you with this little girl. He will be there with you every step of the way. Keep your faith strong and you all will do great!